grief and loss · pregnancy loss


I’ve chosen to give ‘baby EL’ a name. It’s something more for myself; I don’t think husband has any particular thoughts on the subject and I’m not sure bringing up the topic would help him in his own grieving process so for now I’m keeping it to myself.

After our first loss, I re-read “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp and this quote really impacted me. It basically speaks for itself.

In the Bible a name…reveals the very essence of a thing, or rather its essence as God’s gift. To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it, to know it as coming from God and to know its place and function within the cosmos created by God. To name a thing, in other words, is to bless God for it and in it.

So I gave that baby a name. Husband was convinced it was a boy, so I stuck to that gender for names. I wanted a name that would reflect he fact that this child was a blessing from God and that it’s short life was ultimately always his.

-Timothy David. Timothy: honoring to God. David: beloved.

Since I gave the first baby a boy’s name, I chose a girl’s name for this little one. This name is one that I have loved for some time for what it represents, but also recognize that it would be a hard name to give to a child who would live a normal life. But every time I read David Copperfield I am inspired by the character of Agnes-she just embodies goodness, purity, and selflessness. And that’s what the name means: pure, innocent. Rather fitting for a little one whose heart only beat in the safety of a womb.

-Agnes Claire. Agnes: pure and innocent. Claire: bright

I just hope that I don’t find out some day that Timothy is actually a girl and Agnes is a boy. But I imagine they understand.


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