October 2019 – At the Appointed Time

The test was positive!!

I was going to wait the full two weeks. I really was. But then it got to day 10 and I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I tested. In the evening. Just to get it over with.

And there was a line.

It was faint; but not as faint as I’d have expected the trigger to be at that point given what it looked like when I tested it out before. It was also a darker line than my last first positive at 12 dpo back in February.

And then the next day the line was still there. And still there (yes I tested several times).

And it was still there on day 12, and day 13…and lines continued to darken.

Two weeks after the IUI, my cheap test and a First Response both showed very clear positives. I called the clinic; they had me get my first lab draw.

First beta results at 14 dpIUI: 525

Second beta results today at 16 dpIUI: 1203.

Our ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday November 6th.

I am excited, grateful…and absolutely terrified of another loss. I know there’s nothing I can do to prevent that from happening if it’s going to…but it’s so hard to be both so unconditionally in love with this little bug (or two lol) and yet to know from experience that it could be so very temporary.

But if this is it; if this is the one that we get to meet…I don’t want to look back on his or her early weeks and only remember being anxious and scared. So I’m trying to just take it one day at a time and be grateful for each day that it looks like things are going the way they are supposed to.

So IUI #3 didn’t work. I really didn’t expect it to between the one egg and husband and I having a fight that evening (and not BD’ing per MD’s instructions); but it still sucked seeing that negative pregnancy test. And then my period was 3 days late again; so it only prolonged the disappointment as each day without AF made me a sliver hopeful that I’d just tested too early. I hadn’t.

We jumped right back in to round 4; I figured if we waited a cycle we’d be starting to get closer to the holidays and wasn’t sure that was a good plan.

Doctor put me on follistim this time. Yowza, that price tag hurt. Going from $17.50 clomid per cycle to $924 for 900 IU of follistim was not enjoyable. Thankfully the medication itself wasn’t too bad; stung a little with injections but minimal (to no?) side effects. And it stimulated a huge follicle on the right with another coming along nicely behind it. Nothing on the left; odd since last month it was the right ovary with the follice…I thought they alternated.

Had the IUI this morning. For some reason, husband’s sperm count was *way* lower this time; doctor estimated between 2-3 million motile sperm in the sample. We were at 10 million(ish) last time. He hasn’t had any significant life changes in the last month, so I don’t know what’s going on.

When I texted him to update him (he’d already left the clinic to head to work); he sent back a simple “Judges 7:2 my love.” I looked it up…

“The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’ ”

So here’s hoping that our tiny army of 2-3 million sperm is just what God plans to use to make our baby so that we can tell him/her and the world that it was nothing we did.

Here’s to another two week wait.

Month: October 2019

On BFPs, betas, and baby bug(s)

IUI #4