I realized on Saturday (just before my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy on social media, by the way. Made Saturday *super* fun) that by standard health definitions, we are officially ‘infertile.’
“Infertility is…characterized by the failure to establish a clinical pregnancy after 12 months of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse.” https://resolve.org/infertility-101/what-is-infertility/
I guess I thought that infertility had be diagnosed after doctor visits and testing and all that jazz. Nope. Turns out we hit that mark back in August.
I know that we still haven’t been trying all that long. Part of me feels guilty even taking on this label when I know there are so many others who have been trying longer than we have or who have gone on to have all the above testing and be presented with the list of options nobody ever wants to have to use or received a hopeless diagnosis.
But the other part of me is grateful to have a title. It allows me to identify with others going through the same struggle, and to empathize a little better with a new group of people. It allows me to validate our journey and say more than just a “it feels like a long time (at month 3…6…9 etc) and I’m frustrated.” Not that I wanted any of that. But there’s a strange sort of relief in a title (even a crappy one), and it opens the doors to begin pursuing help and looking into options if we need to.
(And honestly, trying unsuccessfully for even ‘just’ 3 or 6 months can still feel like an eternity when having a baby is something you want so much. It’s not like the TWW is easier if you’ve done less of them. So I don’t mean to invalidate the struggle of those who aren’t at a year…I was at those points too and they sucked then. You just add in more complex emotions and new fears the longer it goes on and it starts to suck differently.)
So. We are 1 in 8.
Maybe this cycle will be the one that breaks that statistic for us, but given my husband’s level of stress right now I have a feeling his little guys have not been at their healthiest so I’m trying to mentally prepare for Aunt Flo to arrive sometime next week and we’ll start looking into at least talking to a doctor.